Small World...

What a small world it is...I never actually believed that but somewhere in my heart, i know that the fact. My closest fren, Charu..and my other good fren, Devs are cousins and i never knew that...until today at least. i dunno whether they are excited but i sure am. wheeee. these are the two different people i tell everything happening in my life...mostly everything. The point is...i still cant believe it. These are the small things in life which drives us to wake up the next day just to see how surprising the day can be. So when people tell you, its a small world..believe them...its a freaking small world...

Everyday, something unbelievable happens...lets see what awaits tomorrow :)

Forgotten....

Being forgotten is one thing i cant live with...but it happens in everyone's life. Well, it affects some of us profoundly while in others, its just another phase of life. Its weird how phone doesnt ring for days when u need it the most. Recently, i had this huge exam which i was so freaked out about and none of my family members actually called and wished. Its normal for some people but its way to weird for me....my family...i recieve call 3 times from dad, mum and both my sisters before exam. One is the night before exam to check whether i sleep on time. Once early morning to check how am i doing and lastly before the exam itself. So, being used to this tradition, it kinda affected me when i din recieve a single call the morning of exam, and waiting for a call before entering the hall is the worse. All it takes was a sms saying Good Luck. Maybe i forgot to tell them but im pretty sure i did...or maybe they just forgot... Getting used to a tradition is so easy, the hurt they put u in when someone breaches it, is very disheartening. Not being superstitious, not being pathetic, not being too attached....Just used to it. However, like how the Afghans say Zendagi migzara. Life goes on.

Home...

Its okay to be emo once in a while isnt? But sometimes, what really annoys me, or literally gets me is when the whole emo motion doesnt go away. No matter how much i try... Its like i wanna let go of it...all of it...but i just dont know where to start...what to do...who to choose...its just so hard to breath, its just sooo hard. I usually get things fixed, i dont stay confused for so long, and i dont usually regret the choices i make...But its all gone now. I'm confusing myself over things i should be ignoring,u know? One moment...its like im in this whole different world, colourful, cheerful, laughing all the way, smiling non stop,im all bright and shiny, life seems so perfect. But just the other moment, when i let my mind wonder just for a second...it all comes back. I dun know what to...i really dont know what to do...I dunno if im helpless, or sad or pathetic or desperate...maybe i should keep myself constantly busy, maybe...or maybe i just miss home. Maybe all i want is to play catch with my dog...Maybe what i really want is start a fight with my sis...Maybe i just wanna hug my mum and cry...Maybe i just wanna go home and sleep on my own bed...Maybe i should stop trying to act tough...See, im doing it again,im crapping. Gosh, i miss home...So much.

Pain...

Pain...We all complain of pain, how much it hurts to hold on, how much it hurts to let go, how much it hurts to be alone, how much it hurts to wait...So, we tear when we are hurt thinking that it s the answer. We feel better for a while, then it pain arises all over again. We run, run and run to the opposite direction because we are all afraid of being hurt, we are human for goodness sake, we were designed to be afraid of pain. Never once stop and thought maybe pain comes for a reason, for a purpose, to show you something you never knew all these while...The hardest thing we can say to anyone, no matter how close we are, is that we are hurt, and we are in pain. I am in pain...You are in pain...We all are...Our only common ground is pain.

Pain comes in our lives like a thunderstorm and brings so much of damage to our heart that once its all over, a part of us feels so heavy to share...A piece of of heart is ripped off and never to be patched again...We just cant see the light after that...So afraid to look back in case our past is staring back at us...The thing is people, the thing is, pain comes for a reason. There's always rain after the thunderstorm. Is just that, we are so driven away with the pain, we fail to see the true reason pain comes. Only by feeling the true pain, we learn to be sober...only by pain, we learn to stand up...only by pain, we learn to walk forward...Its only because of pain, we are strong. It gives us so much strength to hold on to the things we deserve, and the strength to let go of the things we just couldnt have...

The fact is pain is what made me grow. Its because i fell down once, i am standing now. Its because i screwed up once, i know better now. Its because i had lousy friends once, i know who true friends are now. Its because i cried once, i now know when to stop. Its because i crumbled once, i am determined now. Its because i was in pain, i am strong now. "Every pain comes with equal strength to face something greater in life"

Everytime we wanna let go of something, its like we are staring back at the past to move forward. Sometimes, there are pangs in our heart bringing us back to where it all starts, bringing us down, make us weak to fight to let go. As some people say, it needs fairly more strength to let go than to hold on. But, no matter how hard it may be...how much pain i have to hold before i see the light...how much the pain brings me down...I shall fight. Coz' i deserve better...and coz' i believe pain comes to make me stronger, preparing me for the greater battle in future. I'm letting it go...I'm sick of crying...I'm tired with tears...I'm done complaining...I'm so gonna be over the pain coz im strong and pain dont come to destroy, it comes to show how strong i really am. So i am gonna show it. You should too...So, when you are finally up, done crying, and ready to stare at the future to say "Bring It On", give you self a pat on ur back and a well-deserved smile because you are that much closer to success.

A New Point of View...

There is a saying which says "You must emerge yourself into other worlds in order to understand yours". I mean i knew this before just never quite understood. Well, now i do. The thing is we all draw an imaginary line around us and think thats our world...Thats so not it. Im telling you this because i was that person too. So, be yourself, reveal the child in you, step out of this circle, dont need to grow that fast...There will be a point where you NEED to grow, just not now. Go out there, do the things u never thought u'd do...Embarass yourself, Scream your lungs out from a high building (i've done this and it feels good), Lie down on the road and count the stars, sing out aloud even though u suck(u sing coz u want too, u dont have to be good), dance all the time(who cares what the person next to u thinks,he doesnt have a life), slide in shopping malls, skate once in a while, play basketball ( u dont have to follow the rules), have a stay over and gossip bout the losers you fell for (if you arent with them at the moment, gosh he must be gay or just too ugly for u), eat ice cream at 1 am, get wet in the rain, go to the next room and irritate your sibling....do whatever you feel like at the moment...As you do all the crazy things, you tend to realise who you really are rather than who you are trying to be. You have a lifetime to pretend, hmmmm, to be yourself, just now when u r surrounded with crazy friends who wouldnt judge you.... So, go out there, and live at the moment as the next moment will remain unsure...

As for my day, it was superb...gets better and better. Well we had our Latin dance class, and whoa it was kinda fun. The way we go "cha cha" ignoring the beat and then stop and start again and then we miss the beat again, its all like so perfectly imperfect (ermm, perfect moment with imperfection). Have you ever realised how boring our life would be if everyone is perfect? For one, we'll have no one to laugh at...Secondly, we'll wake up everyday to compete for the first place...Thank god no one's perfect. I danced with Foo Pun and he was good...i mean of coz we screw up like all the time but since we messed up together, we ignored each other s mistake and it turned out to be good. Ohh, since there were only 4 guys, we kinda rotated our partners and of coz some girls have to be 'guys' and i danced with Karmy and Ad which was so kinda cool coz we get to do both guys and girls step...

We all have people we love and people we dont love so much(this is where your least fav people go). When something's bothering the people we love, it gets us...Well thats kinda normal. But what stroke me was when something disheartening happens to the people we dont exactly love, it gets us too and we somehow without us realising take a sec off to pray for their goodness. So, world isnt so crude, as humanity lies in each and all of us, just seen in times of sorrow only. We all care about everyone (the ones we love and hate), just not always i guess. Someone said "A lil' bit of humanity dies with every tear". I'm not buying it...coz everytime a person's eye tear, there is another pair of eye tearing feeling the pain of that person and very oftenly we cry for other people rather than for ourselves...

Yeap Polly, no more emo moment...Its gonna be either good day or not so good day as Su ann said...A new point of view....Wheeeee

Fussypot...

My friends are all complaining that my peoms are very difficult to understand... So, i just thought of a poem my friend, Wenny wrote when she was a kid. And i thought for a kid, that was really good...and trust me, after this u'll never forget it...

"Fussypot, fussypot,Are you a pot?
Cooking so hot.
What have you got?In your big, hot pot?
Just some oats, and a big fat goat. "

How many of us can actually write like that when we're 5 ryte? So, the next time, u r having a bad day or some hard fall and need to take ur mind off something disturbing...here u go...a poem to make u laugh which can get u back to level...

Anyway, im taking a rest from all poems for a while...My friends are getting annoyed i guess...We had back to back Drug&Disease CardioVascularClass today which is very painful and torturing...I am telling u this because its bad that the subject is already damn boring, there goes my lecturer rubbing it on. As much as i respect her and her knowledge, she has an extraordinary ability to put us back to sleep. I always thot that some drugs upon consumption makes us sleepy and dizzy but trust me, beyond that, just the talk bout drugs are enough to make us sleep...

We had great lunch...and great talk during lunch-bout how we dont wanna die a virgin. My friend is paranoid that she is gonna die a virgin..So there we were telling her that its not gonna happen. No ones to die a virgin ryte? At least i dont want to...so im taking a vow, if im to die tomorrow, ill go and have sex with someone before i die...after all we are gonna die ryte...Experience everything before u go la ryte? I dont want to have a restless soul loitering around...

Whats worse is i think im having insomia or simply its the coffee i take. i take so much of coffee that i shud be immune to it by now,it doesnt make sense. I cant bring myself to sleep anytime before 4a.m. and i keep waking up before 8a.m. This is insomia ryte? Its kinda weird coz' i ve always embraced my art of sleeping at any time, any place...Its like something is bothering me but have got no idea what the heck is that. Arghhh, annoying. Or im like owl, nocturnal...Sleep during the day and active during the nite... Or the better theory is my holiday season, as i use to watch movie till 3am for 1 month... Watever it is, it has to go. Not healthy...